Whilst conditions for competitors and spectators alike look like being perfect, and preparations for tomorrow’s Annual Duck Race in Carding Mill Valley continue apace, ducks everywhere are watching another drama unfold.  At yesterday’s Duck Drug Tribunal both defendants pleaded guilty to the two charges against them: of seeking to gain advantage in the race by means of artificial stimulants; and of bringing Duck racing into disrepute.

The defendants did not deny the findings of the tests that showed traces of helium, a lighter than air gas that enhances duck swimming speed at the expense of a duck’s voice. “It’s a case of ‘Quick Quick’ instead of ‘Quack Quack’,” explained prosecuting Counsel Serge Quackmaninoff.

 Speaking on behalf of Completely Quackers, Sir Bill Quackanory QC (Quackers’ Counsel) asked for leniency on the grounds that it was the duck’s first offence.  He had been a very unhappy duckling and for many years had hoped he would grow up to be a swan, but this, of course, only happened in Hans Christian Anderson Fairy tales. “He became entangled in a web of eggstreamism in which he sank ever deeper.  He is relieved to have been caught because now, although he has a lot of egg on his face, he has the chance to reform, and hopefully get quack on the right side of the quacks.”

For World Wide Webfeet, Tracey Beaker QC asked for similar leniency. “My client suffered even as an egg” she said, “His parents both smoked, and as a result he was undersized at birth and had learning difficulties.  He recognizes that he has to pay his bill to society for this offence, and he realises that he has been  a lucky ducky not to have suffered long term damage already”

The tribunal adjourned until tomorrow, when they will receive reports from quack doctors on the mental state of both ducks.

What do you think should happen? Several people have made suggestions, and we have put these into our Opinion Poll below.  Cast YOUR vote now!